Feeling worse after k?

I posted earlier that I had my first infusion today; I had ketamine treatment previously about a year ago (10-12 infusions). Now that I’m home and “sobering up” I’m feeling significantly worse emotionally I think. I was exhausted from the infusion but am now unable to sleep no matter what I take, and I’m trying not to take too much of anything as I have another infusion tomorrow. But if this is going to pull me down a bad rollercoaster, I really don’t need that. I’m barely hanging on as it is which is why I have the 2 infusions set up back to back. I’m hesitant about going back tomorrow. Yes I will go and talk to dr about it all, but does this resonate with anyone? Any feedback or advice or anything? Thank you. I really think this is making me feel more hopeless

I didn’t feel great after the first, but felt great after a round of six. Stick with it. Give it another chance or two.

How do your current experiences compare to your previous, assuming that having done 10-12 you were up to full dose and your current posts seem to point at the typical build-up 6?

How bad is bad? I had some touch-and-go experiences early on (still do, once in a while) due to a bad trip on street blotters 35+ years ago (Checked myself into the ER). I freely tell people that in some ways, I dread my clinic sessions. Rarely would I say that they are pleasant, maybe never. But, they also are never bad. Part of that is that they don’t last for 8 -12 hours, thank gods. That is a season in hell.

Is it better to leave Pandora’s box locked up, or to open it up and deal with what comes out? Feeling bad is not necessarily a bad thing. If I don’t know what the problem is, I will never be able to fix it.

This has been the strangest experience. I’m actually feeling better now. Last time it took 6 infusions to feel an iota of better and now I feel better already but have total insomnia. I’m waiting for that sleeping pill junk to kick in. At this point I just need sleep.

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And I’m worried I’m harming the k’s ability to work by taking all this stuff to sleep (medical cann, Percocet (back pain separate issue), muscle relaxer, clonopin, seroquel. And I’m wide awake though I slept 3 hours last night. I have SO much to do tomorrow and MUST sleep. So the insomnia is worse but emotionally I feel so much calmer and rational. Thank God.

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I don’t dread infusions but definitely don’t like them at all

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Red wine.

Partially joking.

I have taken melatonin. Won’t knock you on your donkey, but also won’t leave you groggy in the morning. And it is OTC and cheap.

For myself, I will keep my regular alarms, be up all night and go about my business. Yeah, it sucks to be me for a few days, but it gets me back onto schedule. I figure insomnia is nothing to loose sleep over.

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I can’t drink. Body doesn’t metabolize it well at all and so zero alcohol.

In a lot of ways, that seems to me that it might make life easier.

I am insanely gluten intolerant. Being afraid of my food (seriously) means a lot of opportunities come down to “Thanks, but no thank you.” It eliminates the “Should I or shouldn’t I?”. Just “Thank you for the thought and effort, I really do appreciate it, but No Thank You.”

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@Lovebeach it’s REALLY typical to “feel all the feels” during treatment- and considering your past experiences I’d say that’s a really awesome sign! Not tgat it is easy to feel that way - it is NOT. But it sounds like you’re responding - hooray!

Hope you are able to get some sleep - insomnia is awful. My clinic puts antihistamine in my drip - I wonder if that’s why I am tired that night.

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@salty - what would make life easier?

@Lovebeach hopefully your provider can help you. Please be very careful, at least 3 of the meds you mentioned above are respiratory suppressants. That could be very dangerous.

In response to my joking about red wine you said you can’t metabolize alcohol. If Life completely takes away the option (like with me and gluten), the answer to “should I or shouldn’t I ?” becomes much easier. That kind of takes away any temptation.

@deb my psych knows well
What I’m taking but thanks, I’ve never had respiratory issues

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@salty yes- I stopped drinking about 10 years ago when I figured it out and never miss it. All it did was make me sick. It sure does save a lot of angst (money etc); society promotes that drug (alcohol) but things like my medical cann have zero research behind them but it is so much safer(never made me sick etc), the whole med field needs an overhaul in my opinion but I won’t rant…

I felt ok for a brief period yesterday now it’s like a downward rollercoaster. I got triggered today badly by someone saying the simple name of a place I don’t like. This didn’t happen before. I think this k is messing with my brain, and not in good ways. I think I’m just an experiment and this whole message board is just part of someone’s experiment as they monitor what we type. It’s helpful to get input from others but I’m ready to quit. I hope you all have better experiences than me with this stuff.

@Lovebeach - It’s very normal to feel all the feels as your brain rewires - and unfortunately not just the good feels. I once read depression being described as “emotional constipation”. Well… I do think there’s a lot of truth to that.

My referring psych practitioner warned me before I started that ketamine treatment brings up a lot of emotional upheaval and that not everyone finishes because of that. I actually really appreciated that warning because I knew it likely would not be an easy process.

That being said - you ARE having a response!!! Wasn’t that an issue before? If it wasn’t working I doubt you’d be having these experiences. I’m truly sorry that you’re in emotional pain and suffering. That’s awful and I hope tomorrow is a much better day. I know I have felt absolutely raw (for lack of a better term) at times during my 6.

It may sound totally counterintuitive but I think it’s a really good sign that your brain is processing and reconnecting your emotions. Please don’t give up! :heart:

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Yes I had an issue before with k not working at all. So I’m on round 2 of effort a year later which is maybe stupid on my part (didn’t work before why now?) I am so frustrated at the k doctors. After my infusion yesterday the dr didn’t even come in to check on me or see if I had anything to say. They didn’t even make a follow up. I had to call later when I sobered up to see “what next” (come in after Thanksgiving was the receptionist response when I called). I agree with what someone else wrote elsewhere on here that I don’t think these places are really regulated. They had me sign a form after the infusion started. I had no clue what it said until later. Just dealing with newbie dr that has zero bedside manner (?) I know I find the whole thing so cold and uncaring. And I’ve been through 2 k clinics. There won’t be a third I can tell you that. If I continue w this dr I have to learn to expect no input from him. Medical care these days is just awful in general

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There’s a new study that just came out discussing benzos and how they can block treatment for depression

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