Panic, anxiety, stress, depression, lack of sleep repeat

I previously wrote a post regarding if anyone had been cured. If you are here the answer is likely no., When I say cured I mean without having this constant panic or depression. I just had an infusion today and for an hour I felt so much better. I’m still in a better place, but it’s like I can feel the panic and worry on the outskirts. I wish I could be like my wife. She will just switch her moods fairly easily, and doesn’t let work stress bother her too much. I think I am not cut out for my current world. I need to make a change to a simpler life without so many stressors. I feel like my priorities need to change. I’ve been striving to be successful and make decent money, which I currently am (at least what I consider good money). I feel like the more success you get, the more stress is added, and the more pressure you feel. I think society gets us to play the game by being part of this consumerist society, and we all are on a hamster wheel. The more successful you get (in your mind) the higher the setting goes on the hamster wheel. I want to slow things down. Pay off all debt including mortgages, and just make what I need. I need to get out of this cycle. I’m already predisposed to anxiety, stress, and worry. Why continue to add more? Just so I can buy more stuff I don’t need. I don’t know if this makes any sense. As I said I just had an infusion and I’m still hazy. I feel like we are sucked into this “machine” or “cycle” of what what we are told is supposed to be important, but it’s all wrong. Does anyone else have these thoughts of moving to the beach in another country or buying land and having a small farm? I feel like that’s the life we are supposed to be living. It’s the antithesis or the life I always thought I wanted, but did I want it? Was my ideology of what life should be what others have told me it should be? (Parents, friends, society, TV, social media, etc.). I should be grateful for all I have. It really doesn’t mean a whole lot to me though. The more I think about it, the more I think that I just want people to like me or feel successful to my parents or Others. As much as I want to believe I don’t care what others think I guess deep down I do. Why should I have to be a certain way to feel accepted, and why do I have this ingrained in me? I honestly just want enough money to have a decent house (can totally be small), Food, and something that makes me feel fulfilled like a small business or hobby. I’m
Self employed and have a small business, but I sell houses. Even though I don’t mind my career path it’s not necessarily fulfilling, but I think I could find that in other things. I guess my epiphany today would be that I need to find a way to slow my life down. Hopefully I don’t regret posting this because I honestly don’t remember everything I just wrote.

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I relate and am struggling with something similar. When Ketamine helped lift my depression part of me thought, well, I’ll be fine continuing my incredibly stress-inducing (lawyer) job because I’ve found a tool to help manage my depressed mood. But another part of me thinks, it would be so much easier to manage my moods with and/or without Ketamine if I just found a job better suited for someone with not the best mental health. I think ultimately the feeling of being able to breath easier and lighter makes me want to structure my whole life so that’s the normal experience.

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Yeah I think psychedelics make us realize what is important in life. The thoughts of success in our minds isn’t necessarily what one would consider successful. It’s implanted in our minds by the system early on in our Iives. Previously I would think that’s “hippy talk”, but it’s real. The true meaning of life is love, community, and compassion not work, career, and material things. I saw a quote the other day that moved me. “Most people try to be someone important rather than do something important”.

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As Timothy Leary put it, “Turn on, tune in, drop out.” Turn on via the psychedelics, tune in to what really matters, and drop out of the rat race…

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Yup. I feel that people took that literally like drop out of school. That’s not necessarily what he meant. I do think it’s not a bad idea to have a career you excel at even if you don’t like it, save money, pay off debt, and do what you truly want to do. That’s my goal. I don’t hate my current career, but I want to save money to live a simpler life.

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As someone who grew up on a farm and descendant of many generations of farmers, and currently lives/works on acreage, please let advise that the way to reduce stress is definitely NOT by buying a small farm. :blush: It’s a huge amount of year-round work and very difficult to get away from for more than a day or two, especially if you have animals. Notice my handle is Shepherdess…which I am.

That is slightly tongue-in-cheek (although what I said is the truth) but I hear you on the need to simplify and adjust lifestyle to something more suited to a stress sensitive brain.

I know one reason my nearly lifelong struggle with depression/anxiety has come to such a crisis was working to the point of total mental and sometimes physical exhaustion. It has to change or I cannot expect the ketamine changes to “stick”. I will simply keep re-injuring my brain with new stress/trauma.

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@fpeot1, talking about making your life easier and simpler, more manageable…I have always wanted to have a maid/cook. I though it was because of my depression but after completing the ketamine infusions I still do want to have a maid so I am definitively lazy on top of everything. LOL. I would love for someone to keep my house clean, wash my clothes, cook for me, etc. So i can enjoy life being depressed. :face_with_hand_over_mouth: I wouldn’t want to stop working and just sit around doing nothing but I could certainly use the extra time to explore hobbies, interests, visits with friends, paint, write, binge watch shows. I can not afford a maid therefore this is just a dream of mine. I don’t think there is nothing wrong with wanting things and have enough money not to worry anything that is money related, but I agree with you, a simple life, without too many worries seem linked to a better mental health for sure.

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@Rafael - Me too! Totally a dream of mine. I want a housekeeper 5 days a week, take care of household chores and cook dinner. I don’t see it happening even if I could afford it but it’s still the dream. :slight_smile: Of course they’d also have to feed the critters…and that would probably make it even more unlikely to happen!

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@Shepherdess, i hope you don’t think I am mean or anything like that, but I want her to be mute, maybe even blind (she can memorize the house with time), that way I don’t hear her trying to make small talk. I watched a movie once were the made was doing her work without being seen, like you would leave a room and she would walked behind you and fix it so right when returning to the room it was already I perfect condition, now that’s a dream right there.
God please forgive me.:grimacing:

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@Rafael Hahahaha - that’s basically the reason why even if we could afford one we’d never actually hire anyone. We don’t want anyone else in our psychic space - just want the work to be magically done! So no - I get it. We actually are spoiled enough to have someone do the deep cleaning every two weeks and while it’s a good thing because it forces us to put the house in order every two weeks… we still dread cleaning day because it’s disruptive. It’ s probably worse because we both work from home and aren’t used to intruders in our “sanctuary”. :grinning:

Actually - I could make an exception. Jeeves. I want Jeeves from Jeeves and Wooster, as portrayed by Stephen Fry. Jeeves would be awesome and he magically makes everything better/perfect.

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@Shepherdess, i worried about people bringing their bad energies in the house as well. Oh well, we can’t have our cake and eat too, can we?

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You are not alone! I just took large pay cut to go work for a laid back, flexible company. It’s early days but everyone is so kind, people are not glued to phone or email. For me it’s a count down to retirement. A simple and quiet retirement that doesn’t include many people. I am nurse and am always with people and need serious alone time to regroup. I know several others who feel the same.

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Thank you for putting into words what I’ve been feeling for years. I’m similarly situated and understand constant anxiety, stress, sleeplessness, and depression. I’m so tired of the anxiety caused by my job, but feel trapped due to the specialized nature of my career. Peace is what my soul longs for and I’m most at peace when I’m away from the concrete jungle and endless rat race. To quote an old Beach Boys song, “I just wasn’t made for these times.” I wish you the best on your journey.

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Illuminati as far as living the life we’re supposed to lead but that’s a whoooooollllleee other story. Lol. As far as everything else you said, I agree with every word. I want to run away sometimes.

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I have a cleaning lady every two weeks. It definitely helps with 3 dogs, my wife, and a 16 year old. We just don’t have her clean our office where my wife is working and I normally leave or move room to room. She listens to music or talks on the phone. Chit chat is minimal. Move to Mexico if you want to have a full time made. My aunt has one, and she is middle class. Definitely affordable.

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I agree. It’s all too much for me. My wife says I feel too much and I’m a deep thinker. I would agree to the deep thinker even prior to Ketamine. :rofl:. My brain seems to never stop except on Ketamine which is weird because it’s a very confusing and disorienting drug. When I first took it, it was difficult to navigate. Now that I know how to go with the flow I can actually think and ponder things without constant anxiety. I wish I had less technology. I feel like technology is going to be out downfall as a human race. It’s too much constant stimulation. We weren’t made for all of this.

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