I had my fifth infusion this morning, and it was a big nothing. I felt incredibly down for several hours. Now I feel just fine, but I was expecting to work on feeling safe and it seams number 5 was wasted. My next infusion is Monday. I feel this morning’s session happened for a reason. It was a let down, but somehow I will grow from the experience.
The 5th session on both of my 6 session treatments were the same, a total let down… I was starting to think it’s intentional to bring you down before you’re truly freed. Just to give you a bit more hope and a little something to look forward to, both of my 6th session were amazing. Just keep moving forward and be kind to yourself. You’re doing everything right!
@MotoJoe107 I agree with @Janderson79 - it doesn’t necessarily mean anything is amiss. Sometimes it really seems to take a while for these things to percolate also. Some infusions definitely feel more impactful or positive than others and I don’t think my 5th was exactly encouraging either. But that doesn’t mean it isn’t actually working, thank goodness.
Hang in there, have faith and hope in the process. It’s a real bummer when you come out of an infusion and feel like nothing happened. It happens. Keep doing your integration therapy and believe that healing is still chugging along behind your consciousness.
Definitely don’t assume that! It’s still working on the neuropathways even if the journey wasn’t much. You are still very much processing. Give it time.
Thank you everyone for the positive replies. I had my 6 (Final) infusion and the same thing happened. I remained lucid the entire time. Now a week out, I am horribly raw with emotion. Extremely depressed. I break down and cry what seems like non-stop now. There was no bad experience. I felt, for the first time in 25 years, what it’s like not to feel anxiety or depression during the successful infusions. I will say, to me, and I’m not sure exactly, but I have no cravings for Ketamine nor any withdrawal. I have a lot of SI now and no fear of death. I’m not in crisis. After a lifetime with cPTSD (I’m in my 50s now), I was hoping for a breakthrough. It was the closest I’ve been in a long time, however, I feel the treatment as a whole did not work for me. The therapist/client relationship didn’t seem to work there was no integration after my sessions just one integration appointment after the all treatments are over – which they are.
If anyone has any insight, please share. I really appreciate it. Thank you
@MotoJoe107 Hi MotoJoe,
First let let provide the disclaimer my knowledge of Ketamine is the research I have read, my own experience with Ketamine and a therapist that is certified and has extensive experience with psychedelics. I do not in anyway claim to have extensive knowledge.
With that said this is what I have learned: My first 3 sessions were similar to what you describe, I was lucid the entire time. With each session my therapist and doc checked in on the experience. From what I understand the Ketamine worked on those 3 sessions however, ego dissolution is what the professionals are shooting for in dosage. My doc slowly raised the dosage until I was able to consistently reached that ego dissolution state. Again I think the first 3 sessions were helpful however, the change for me came when the dosage was appropriate.
The other piece that has been vital for me is the integration therapy I do. My therapist is with me the entire time of the treatment. (Ketamine Assisted Therapy - KAP). As I am coming back from the trip we begin to talk. She gives me plenty of time to rest and there is no pressure to talk. With that said, some of my most intensive break through a has been through those discussions with her. She also writes everything down for me as I often don’t remember parts of our discussion. We also make a goal to work on once I am home (which she writes down as well). For example, I experienced a childhood full of extensive trauma. Without going into all the details, it was important for me to see myself as an adult from a very early age (distinctly remember this strategy at around 7-8 years - a coping mechanism to deal with the expectations and abuse). In my mind, in order to think and act as an adult my little child had to die. I have had no connection with an inner child for many years. In the last session I began to make a connection to that child in regards to the harsh self critic I have felt necessary all these years to survive. My goal this week has simply been to think about the compassion a helpless child deserves and try to imagine myself as that child.
I would encourage you to research a new clinic, maybe a KAP clinic if possible. From your description, it sounds like you have an introduction to Ketamine however, need a clinic with a little more ability to communicate and help you with the dosage and integration of the session. I wish you the very best. Take care, Friend!
I had my 5th infusion today and mine was a let down too. What does getting better look like? How does one know if this is working? What does that look like? I’ve been a pharmaceutical lab rat for over 20 years. I need this to work.
@Ms.skinner, read my response on the topic “Ketamine stopped working”. In my case it’s really slow progress, but it’s definitely progress. A common theme here is “Everyone is different”, and their response’s are also different to a degree. I’ve had many infusions over the past year, mostly good disassociation, some bad, but they over all seem to be working.