About that mythical “K-Hole”

I’ve been reading some posts from people who have spoken of opening their eyes or having someone make a noise during an infusion, essentially to maintain their connection to ordinary reality, as far as I can tell. It got me to wondering about that state of non-ordinary reality that some people refer to as the “K-Hole”, and what that term means to different people. It appears to be kind of similar to the old cliche about obscenity: “I may not know how to define it, but I know it when I see it.” It seems to me that the same could be said about the K-Hole - I don’t know how to define it, but I know when I’m in it.

I don’t really like the term because I think it carries a street drug connotation that doesn’t serve the movement towards constructive use of psychedelics. Nonetheless, can it be defined? For me, I think it relates to that state of having LOST all awareness of ordinary reality; i.e. the state where I have lost all body awareness, having become simply a point of awareness observing what is happening upon the screen, so to speak. Everyone is different, but actively seeking to maintain that connection to ordinary reality would seem to work against my objective.

My daughter and I had been estranged, and when she died of an overdose, I had an infusion ten days later. At the height of the experience, I was able to acknowledge my feelings for her objectively and did so, whereupon it seemed that the entire universe twisted and moved to a new state, as if that issue had been addressed and it was time to move on to something else.

So what say you? What does the K-Hole mean to you, and is getting to that state a desirable thing?

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I think the “k-hole” is what makes it work. It doesn’t happen for me all the time with troches, but when it does that is when I feel the best afterwards and feel the lasting effects. The way I experience Ketamine is in different “stages”. I think it has a lot to do with what is on my mind, if my setting is comfortable or not, possibly if I’ve eaten that day, and whether it’s a troche dissolving or an infusion. I feel like there is the “observer stage”, the “traveling through your consciousness stage” but still thinking, and then there is the “I feel like I’m a part of everything stage”. If I have distractions, things on my mind, or very anxious I am usually in the 1st stage where I’m just observing the colors and swirling etc. I normally end with a feeling of uneasiness and some anxiety. The second stage is If I’m fairly relaxed and feel like I’m floating through my subconsciousness. This is where thoughts pop up that I guess are on my mind and I’m able to objectively look at them like from a third persons point of view without all the judgement from myself. I can feel the physical anxiety like the constant tight stomach or tense body from my anxiety float away and I feel like I can breathe for the first time. I feel free or possibly what “normal” people feel like (I have severe anxiety, major depressive disorder, and ADHD). The last stage I’ve only gotten to a few times. It’s when I’m totally not thinking about my body and I just let it take me where it takes me. I know when I’m there because I don’t recognize the music even though I play the same playlist most of the time. When I get to this place I feel so good and relaxed. I normally can go longer without taking troches or infusions afterwards. . It melts away my anxiety and I’ve had spiritual feelings regarding the after life. I’ve never been super religious, but Ketamine has made me feel more in touch with a spiritual side. I’ve had some epiphanies where I wasn’t seeing the other side or something and it has made me more mindful of interactions. There are always two sides to a story and people’s life experiences that make them who they are. It has allowed me to empathize with my father and make me more mindful about my son.

There is another version of a k-hole that I have experienced as well. I read about it when you posed this question. When I first did Ketamine infusions I didn’t want to let go. My ego was worried about what my body would look like with my wife in the room. I was worried about being out of control of my mind. I finally let go one day and that’s the first time I went into a k hole. I think it was infusion 3 or 4. I did end up in some bad scary places in my mind and the experience was not great. I thought about quitting. I felt like I was battling with my mind to get through the experience. I can understand someone’s hesitation to not wanting to let go, but I think they are doing themselves a disservice and I wonder if they are getting as many positive benefits. I had to confront some things in my life that were scary to me. I pushed them down for years. It kind of opened up Pandora’s box of stuff I’ve been holding onto from childhood and after. I have been in a k hole where I felt like I was dying. It happened to me a few times. When I finally realized that I do have control even in a dissociative state, that’s when I realized thinking positive, even “think positive” to yourself in your mind makes a difference. I feel like the colors I see when it’s a positive experience are light aqua, blue, green, yellow, and white. In bad experiences it’s been black and red. I’ve realized if I’m going down a bad path I can think about seeing green and I will see green and It puts me at ease. I think it’s actually kind of training my mind in a sense that I have control of how I think and react to things. This has helped me be more mindful of things and try not to go down the rabbit hole of thoughts when I feel myself heading that way in real life. Until recently I’ve felt pretty good. I think Ketamine probably saved my life. I definitely know it has improved it. I wonder how I would feel if there wasn’t a pandemic and people storming he Capitol. I think I might be in a good spot. I think most people are experiencing depression and anxiety on some sort of level this past year. We lost my mother in law, our beloved dog, and two uncles (one to COVID). It’s been a rough year. I don’t think I would have made it without Ketamine. Although I’ve been better, I feel like what’s happening in the world today is making me very anxious.

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I’ve felt like every infusion has been a fall into the hole. It comes on so fast, and I’m moving rapidly through each scene. I’ve seen myself falling slowly through each floor of a structure. Each time I think it will hurt, but it doesn’t. I don’t see many light colors or light images. I’m not as scared as in the beginning, but it’s still not the peaceful experience some describe. At the end, as the flush is going, I see myself float back into a chair.
I pray before and hope to experience some emotional release with regards to my first husband’s death and my daughter’s health. I feel like some of the guilt and helplessness has lessened but there’s major work to do.
So, overall, I think the whole experience feels like I’m in the K hole, but I don’t know any different.

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I’m interested in this sense of control that some describe. Once I fully lose touch with reality (not just coming back every 15 minutes or so), I seem to just be on a rollercoaster. I don’t recall having “thoughts”, per se, just a feeling of rising overwhelm that eventually pushes me back to reality. I have an infusion coming up, so I’m going to try to let go more. Maybe I’m overwhelmed because I’m trying to control it

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It’s not the ‘k-hole’ experience that is of paramount importance, but the biological repair / increase in neuron / synapse activity that is. The ‘high’ of the experience is just neurological ‘gravy’. Don’t obsess over the feeling, just go with it … knowing that the end result will be less mental pain and suffering … :slight_smile:

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VERY well said everyone…and pray that brain repair is being done. I do have to say that I do LOVE the “GRAVY” because for me it has been nothing but a God-like experience that I’ve never experienced before in my life…just going back to the memory of it helps me and my world view.

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You can’t necessarily “control” it. It is a roller coaster but what you can control is your mind going to a negative space. Change the song that you are on. My wife is in there with me and if I don’t like the song or it’s giving me bad thoughts I tap my finger on the chair and she knows to change it. Make sure you try to clear your mind prior to your appointment. If I work, watch YouTube, or social media something could get me thinking negatively. Get the Headspace App and do a meditation before you go in. I think sometimes if you try too hard to make something happen it often ends up being disappointing. I’ve gotten the most out of it when I let go and keep my eyes closed the whole time. I feel like you need to ride out the experience the whole way. If you “wake up” early I always have an unresolved/anxious feeling. I honestly get more out of troches than the infusions. I feel like the infusions are good for a reset. The troches don’t put you under as much. That’s when I’ve had some really good self realization that has helped me with negative situations in life.

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Thank you for sharing all this. It’s very helpful to hear.

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I wouldn’t say it’s quite mythical but it’s a bit overhyped. I’ve had profound experiences when I first started ket treatment, but it was in a controlled context and I was mentally prepared for it. What might be happening is if you go to like a rave, and someone passes you ket, and maybe you do a bit too much for a novice — the sudden way it hits you, and not having been familiar with its effects might lead you sensationalize the experience.

Having said that, initially I did have (always pleasant) trips of what people refer to as “ego-death” where my imagination felt completely unfettered to dream up all kinds of just fascinating visual metaphors; to be clear, no hallucinations, just like short animated films playing in my head, I never really felt disconnected from reality. I also used to hear what is referred to as the “carrier tone” which is kind of like this old phone clicking sound that was unusually calming. I don’t quite have these experiences anymore, but that could also be due to the other conventional meds I’m on, and I don’t really care to chase it anyway. It was a nice novelty when I started, but it’s not the wasn’t the important factor conferring the long-term relief I’d get from ket.

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FWIW, calling it “mythical” was intended to be more than a little tongue in cheek…

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The K-Hole…what a magic place.

I take 300mg Troches and pretty much experience the K-Hole every time.

For me, the K-Hole is where I experience “Ego Death”. There is no “I” in the K-Hole, there is no “me”…the individual is blown away like my body is made of sand and I’m standing in a powerful wind. Grain by grain, I’m gone and each of those grains falls to the sandy ground with the grains of everyone else…everywhere!

I go into this place repeating what I need to work on, like a mantra. The echos of my own will form my experience in the K-Hole and force me to face, and integrate all the dark shit that shadows my own perceptions.

TL;DR - I focus on a specific “thing”, repeat it over and over (“I will not fear public places”), then fall into a universal stream of consciousness and come out “healed”…to some extent.

I’ve only been afraid once, but that was only part of the plan.

Finally, I don’t fear the experience because of my view on my Bipolar. My “illness” is simply another “Altered State”. Any medicine that puts me in an Altered State doesn’t bother me and I can function pretty normally because it’s just another Altered State.

Ketamine, Mescaline, Psilocybin, LSD, DMT, etc…doesn’t matter, it’s just another Altered State…another Perspective from which to view the world.

Any of that make sense?
:wink:

PG

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Well done & VERY well said ProfGrit!!! Jim

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Definitely experience the K-hole around the middle of the infusion. Ego death, cosmic consciousness and generally feeling one with the universe. It also involves seeing a bright white light with wild patterns coming out of it. And a feeling of intensity that reaches a creshendo and then everything opens up and I can open my eyes. Have had strong messages including “let it go” and “be here now”.

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:+1::+1:Welcome Brianbrain…like the name LOL

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Try doing a guided meditation and using a smart device to walk thru a forest or go for a walk in nature somewhere you’d like. There’s videos on YouTube I watch and I put ear buds in. I pick out what journey I need the day of the appt. it’s awesome!

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It’s always such a spiritual experience to have for me. When it happens, my response to the infusion is much more pronounced. It doesn’t always happen, but it is welcome when it does.

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Being on just a low dose nasal spray every 4 hrs, I no longer experience the psychedelic effects of the k-hole, just a better mood. I do kind of miss the real spiritual connection with the universe that I usually felt with the k-hole and infusions. But I’m just so happy to be experiencing this consistent better mood, I guess that’s good enough for me now. I hope to eventually experience that spiritual dimension again just in life, maybe meditation. Or maybe I’ll try a lozenge sometime. That spiritual k-hole can be enticing!

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I’m wondering why I didn’t have any experiences like the ones you’ve spoken about. I feel like I might be missing out or doing something wrong?

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Unlikely to happen unless you are getting infusions, which the body gets 100 percent of the administered ketamine. Maybe also with intramuscular injection. But the others, bioavailability is a lot less so the effect is much less pronounced.

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I have gotten 6 infusions. Maybe I am experiencing the same thing but just verbalize it differently?

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