Several of you have mentioned how difficult the holidays can be… I am really struggling this year. Working through a lot of disturbing memories with the Ketamine sessions. Holidays were a brutal and confusing time for me growing up. In public everything was happy, joyful with kid focused fun. Behind closed doors the horror set in. Working to pull up all the strategies I have learned with the Ketamine to get through the flashbacks and night terrors. Seems like it should be a given right to have calm sleep (at least a little every night). Thanks for listening.
@Deb - wondered how you were doing. Wishing there was something we could do to make it all easier. Here’s sending soothing energy your way for peace and calm for restful, healing sleep.
Sending love and prayers @Deb. How are you? Please let us know how we can support you.
@Shepherdess @littlevoice Thank you so much for responding. It helps just to state what is going on in a platform where you know people understand. Was able to do a fast dissolving lozenges session yesterday. It has helped significantly with the extreme hypervigilance. Sincerely appreciate your support.
My mom and dad were in the hospital on Christmas so I spent it all alone. Covid protocol will only allow one visitor at the hospital. Fortunately for me the day before Christmas Eve I got an infusion. It was very blissful like being wrapped up in a warm blanket with no pain. There are times when the medication really helps because life is overwhelming. It was one of the most beneficial infusions I have done. Big hugs everyone that is struggling during the holidays!
The message I received while inside the K hole was LOVE.
@SavetheVWBeetle I like your mantra or intention of the word “love”. I went with compassion yesterday. As a survivor strategy when I was young and going through all of the trauma I would say to myself you have to try harder, work harder. I held very high standards and was often very angry at myself when those standards were not met. Basically my thoughts were if I worked harder to achieve I could avoid all the abuse. That strategy did help me achieve but obviously was not a strategy that worked in the long term. However, the inner critic became strong and established. The theory of just work hard is no longer a viable answer when I struggle. Unfortunately, it is taking much longer to learn self compassion when the critic is so strong. Not sure that make sense!!?? Thank you for listening.
@Deb, your use of the words “inner critic” made me smile. For a while I actually believed that I coined the phrase, just like all of the other times I reinvented the wheel.
OMG It makes so much sense! Inner critic! My accident made me not want to make mistakes because mistakes can get you killed. Hyper critical of myself for many years. Thank you so much for sharing Deb!