Anger/Outbursts

I see a lot of questions about anger. Isn’t some of that one of the signs of depression? I agree with the posts that suggest a connection with new mental clarity about things might have something to do with it as well.

One thing that I haven’t talked about concerning Me is food intolerances. I am both lactose and (insanely) gluten intolerant. Lactose, not so big a deal. I just make everybody else sick.

Gluten is an entirely different creature. It sucks to be afraid of your food. When I went gluten free is when eating became a bit frightening. If it were just a bit of gastric disturbance, I could deal with that. But for me, yeah, it is my guts for a few days, but I also get rashy, I get sores that are more than a zit but less than a boil and can take months to heal. I get brain fog (I will get home from work to discover that I left my garage door open all day while I was gone). I spend a week worrying if I am going to embarrass the hell out of myself every time I go to the restroom because I am bleeding down my leg (I’m male…at least menstrual bleeding is somewhat predictable). I get irritable and lash out. But the worst thing is that I spend anywhere from a week to 3 weeks having mood swings from sullen to full on suicidal. I can’t say if that is an effect of my intolerance, or an emotional side-effect of “feeling sorry for myself” (maybe not the best choice of words, but expedient). Effect or side-effect, either way, it is very real to me.

Most of it is easy (OK, simple) to avoid…bread, pasta, battered/breaded things…But, I have learned to watch (at parties, pot lucks, etc.) for people going from taking something that may or may not be GF to taking something that is GF. At that point, I am afraid to eat it. Just that small amount of contact is enough to F*K Me Up. And I know that people don’t do it deliberately (at least I hope they don’t). I have even had to get in the habit of calling the pharmacy every time I fill a prescription to ask them if my new pill has modified food starch as an inert ingredient. It really sucks to find out 1 week into a 90 day scrip that I can’t take it, and now have to juggle calls between doc, insurance and pharmacy to try to get (and pay for) and new one. It ain’t like I can return or exchange the one I just got. It comes down to, If I didn’t open the package or clean the equipment, I won’t eat it.

I bring this up because I have been seeing mentions of brain fog, anger/irritablility, feeling depressed/suicidal…none of them exactly unusual for the likes of all of us, but I know from my own experience that for me, some of what puts me there is something that I can (?!)easily avoid, that makes a huge difference in how I feel, both physically and mentally.

It occurred to me that I might be able to put another tool in the kit for someone. I know that I need all the tools I can collect.

2 Likes

Salty,
I’m here to back up your suggestion. I’m also lactose and gluten sensitive. Avoiding those foods keeps me a lot more healthy and happy. Getting"glutened" makes my brain fog and migraines worse, knocks me down in energy and mood, on top of the gastric distress.

2 Likes

Goddammit.

It would appear that I also cannot eat oats, even gluten free ones. Not as extreme as wheat, but I skipped them for several weeks, had oatmeal a couple of days, and have been bitchy, rashy, depressed, and (politely) suffering GI distress.

Which doesn’t help the head any. I start (again) feeling like “Woe is me! I can’t eat anything!”

At least troches, injections and anti-nausea meds are gluten free. And red wine.

1 Like

To add to my last addition to this thread…It seems that I got glutened again this week. More bitchy, rashy and shitting blood. Goddammit. I am feeling rather small and insignificant. I’ll get over it, it is getting better since I IDed the probable source and have been able to avoid it.

It is just so fooking discouraging to be so (expletive) careful for so many years and then find myself worrying if I should wear a diaper to work so I don’t have to worry about ‘spotting’.

It sucks to be afraid of your food.

1 Like

I know it’s hard when you are stuck in perhaps literal cr@p (and I have been too- different situation) but I try my hardest to keep the gratitude in mind that I have a home, food, etc that many lack. Just getting outside my head and thinking of the big picture world and how many suffering all over the place makes me thankful for my place in it. I know easier said than done when you feel awful. This too shall pass

1 Like

Oh, yeah, it passes…

In great clots. I apologize, but maybe I am using it as an excuse, but Fuck The World. I am tired of making sure I buy black underwear. I am so fooking tired of worrying about my food, and then having people tell me…“there is nothing that will hurt you.” OK, it has chicken, salt, pepper, onions, etc…It won’t hurt you." “OK, how about the flour tortilla it is wrapped in?” “oh, yeah.”

Nothing personal, but Fuck All Y’all. Have you thought about where your measuring spoon has been? What has been on your cutting board.

I apologize. I got glutened last week. I’m sure it was nothing personal. Probably a situation of someone dealing with bakery goods that saw that some of them were Gluten Free, and put them back in the package. Well, at that point they are not GF anymore. That is enough to f…screw me up. Emotional, dermatological, and GI (shitting blood).

This tends to put me over the edge, off the deep end.

Who cares, and what difference does it make? Nobody cares, and nobody wants to care.

Fuck you, Salty.

I am more open with my feelings while in ketamine. I am not so afraid of saying what I feel and have been holding onto for years.
I think that is because ketamine is an anesthetic.
I’ve lost contact with my “family” because I remember all of the abuse I suffered as a child. It’s hard. I thought that I had already dealt with that crap.

1 Like

Well, it seems that my troches might be a source of gluten. I was getting better physically and mentally, did a troche Monday night, brain fog on Tues. (ran 2 red lights on a 10 minute commute home from work, full speed…duh.) and bleeding again. Tried calling the pharmacy today, but they seem to have knocked off for the Thanksgiving holiday. I’ll keep trying.

Goddamnit.

Life just isn’t fair.

1 Like

Risked another one a couple of nights ago. Everything seems fine, so I don’t know what happened the other time.

Life just ain’t fair. I get tired of being afraid of what I ingest. If all it was were rashes, boils and GI distress, I could deal with that. But when all of that starts, I start to get really depressed. Not to the point of standing on the chair with a noose around my neck, but not too far from that. Effect, side effect, or “all in my head” is immaterial. It is very real to me. And frightening, after the fact. During…I don’t give a rat’s ass. That is what makes it frightening, why I am so paranoid about what I eat.

3 Likes