My first treatment Was yesterday and I did not have a bad experience, but I did cry like a baby for about 10 minutes uncontrollably. Has anyone else had an experience like that?
I cried pretty fiercely at my 3rd session after coming back from the experience when processing with my therapist. It was a good release for me as it was never okay to cry as a kid. I have felt those terrified feeling of what happened the couple times I tried to cry as a kid any time I get emotional as an adult and immediately cut off the tears. It has produced a serious disconnect to feelings. Even though it felt scary to experiencing crying, it was in a safe environment with a caring person and was a huge break through for me!
I cried through my first 2 treatments, of course it did not seem good at the time, after my initial 6 treatments my depression and suicidal thoughts subsided. I have been back for one “touch up” after a severe anxiety attack, I wish I never had to go back, however, I thank God for the positive changes!
Praying for all!
I wish I knew exactly what I was hysterical about. My provider said it was a good thing. I was so exhausted afterwards I went home and slept until the 2 in the afternoon the next day. I’m nervous for my 2nd treatment. My heart rate went up, blood pressure up and oxygen down. I guess I do have a lot of childhood trauma. I hope it gets easier. When did you notice that it was helping?
I said to my therapist the exact same thing, I wish I knew why I am so upset and crying. I experienced some extreme child hood trauma. My therapist said to me, it doesn’t matter exactly what this reason is, you have a lot to cry about…
I have had that happen.
Just offering my 2 cents here but I imagine you have disconnected to the heartache, and the cause(s) of it as a defense mechanism. Maybe the release (crying) is ambiguous currently because the loadout is so huge. I imagine as you continue to release you will find your connections to it.
Thank you, jacobkaine. That makes a lot of sense.
I cried in all 6 sessions. Something hard other times soft. I believe my body was releasing a lot of very old pain. The soul was getting a second chance at appreciating life. I’d often say things like “ creator god, thank you, I see now we are all connected. I’m not alone. Death is not a solution but just a part of the circle of life. Deep truths, as they emerged were always accompanied with fresh hot tears. I often left feeling drained and a little loopy. I too slept after each session. I don’t think it’s bad to cry. Tears are the body and souls way of washing away trauma, pain, hurt, bitterness, envy, strife, confusion, anger, hate, mistrust. The list is endless. I’d also cry at beautiful nature scenes. ( we played them in sessions). Seeing the magnificent world in which we live made me feel like I was truly a part of it. Feeling a part of anything was so foreign for so long. I had many good reasons to shed tears. It was a transformation in me
Buy stock in kleenex…more tears to come.
I haven’t cried in an infusion. I’ve almost cried afterwards, but when I take troches at home I’ve cried several times. I was “taught” to keep my emotions inside. Not healthy. I’m afraid my son has learned from me. Crying is good. It normally relieves some anxiety.
I have the same issue. I’ve had lots of trauma, I was on given 20 mg of Ketamine, but my blood pressure went up and Revivalist in Knoxville said they didn’t think they could treat me. I was putting so much hope into this for it to just be taken away. My blood pressure goes up when I discuss past trauma. I was devastated after the infusion when they refused to see me again. I cried the entire time I was having the infusion and after.
If it helps I cried during different times during each of the six infusions. I haven’t cried since over any of that stuff and it was a daily occurrence previously.
If providers stopped after every time someone cried during an infusion? They’d be broke. They had to stop mine twice because I was having a panic attack. I couldn’t breathe. I’ve been doing this for over 3 years. I finally had the nasal septoplasty I needed and turbinate reduction. You can Google those, but it all had to do with me unable to breathe. Breathing is truly the most powerful thing you can do to control your journey. Breathe breathe breathe. Now that I have a clear nasal passage? Huge difference in my treatments. Try breathing through your nose deeply then slowly pushing all the air out through your mouth. This process was a game changer for me. If I feel something is scary or sad I breathe through them. Close my eyes and my mind is taken elsewhere. I cannot stress breathing enough.
Did you do the initial 6 infusions?
Yes. I love it when I can feel like that.
I am sooooo glad I saw these posts today! I truly needed this. I had my 7th infusion yesterday. I have been so afraid to let myself go and having a dissociative experience, because I fear losing control. My dosage has been raised every time and it was raised again yesterday. i set my intention to let go and release. I asked if the nurse could stay with me. I ditched the eye mask…gotta see what’s coming. I told them I couldn’t lay back in the recliner either. Too vulnerable, so yesterday I curled up in a ball as best I could and they let her rip. Then just as it was hitting me, my music stopped. Silent and with nothing to guide my mind, I went down a rabbit hole. Complete horror. Every fear I had was realized. I was screaming and crying and talking. A mess. A total mess. Even once the infusion was over, I couldn’t stop crying for hours. I am so ashamed and mortified. I don’t know if I’ll be able to go back and face these people. The whole office building probably heard me! The nurse called me today to check on me and I couldn’t even answer. I am so ashamed of myself. If I could at least say that it was cathartic and healing, then I would think at least it was worth it, but I feel awful. PTSD in a higher gear than ever. Leave it to me. Unbelievable.
I am so glad you wrote. Can you try and see what has happened in your sessions as progress…? Even just a little bit of believing that can ease some of the suffering depression creates for us. Whatever you did or said or acted like, I’ll bet it is not new to anyone there. It’s a place designed to help people dislodge all that stuff. You got some of it out. Doing this work is an alternative to staying the same. (And I think any of us that seeks this kind of treatment is basically saying, “”ok, I’ll do whatever it takes not to feel like I did before!”” ) Don’t spend a moment wondering/ worrying what anyone else thinks about you. Just allow whatever needs to happen to happen, to move past some of this stuff. I honestly believe (as do most of the great wisdom traditions) that our RESISTANCE is what keeps us trapped. Keep going, gently, with yourself… ?
@BSMayo , that is wonderful! You are healing! Let the tears flow. All a necessary part of healing. Much love to you.
@fpeot1, definitely let those tears out! Tears are necessary for healing. And please do teach your son the same. If you’ve never watched Brene Brown’s TedTalks about Vulnerababilty, please do. They are especially helpful for men who have been taught these primitive ways of holding it all in. Let your heart open. We will catch you.
Thank you for sharing this vulnerable moment with us.
I don’t think you have anything to be ashamed of. The social stigma against public crying in our society is very unhealthy. There are so many things it’s perfectly normal and cathartic to cry about! And the clinic has seen other people go through emotional release with the help of ketamine.
As you said, you fear losing control, and so losing control like this was probably very upsetting. But I still think it was brave and healthy that you faced your fear and allowed yourself to let go.
Give it some time, and see if this episode resolves into something cathartic for you. I am noticing my anxiety revving 24 to 48 hours after the infusion, partly because I get so much creative energy and excitement once the sleepiness of the ketamine resolves.