Emotional During & After Infusions

Hi, I’m new here. I’ve had 4 infusions so far. The 3rd and 4th infusions both just like opened these emotional floodgates for me. Yes, I know I need to deal with some issues that I haven’t yet dealt with, but this has hit me like a ton of bricks. Every day is really hard to get through now. My anxiety is through the roof and I cry almost constantly. Has anyone else had this experience after infusions?

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Welcome Wildflower…I did cry during my 1st(assuming it was the overall releif from a long period of Depression. Hope ur experience DURING has been positive? Hang in there & BIG HUGS!!!

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I was emotional too. The relief is overwhelming.

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Hi Willow, I’m new here too and wanted to reply to your post. I had my “booster” today (7th one) and let me tell you I was crying really hard! This is the first time I have actually cried in a session. My first one I had a hard time letting go, my second one my brain would not shut up because “paleo” fight brain was trying to take control back. I’ve had to be a fighter my whole life, so letting go for me is hard, but I have finally done it, which is why I think I cried so hard today. I had no idea that crying was a normal thing until my doctor (who did the infusion) advised that it is a good thing because the mind is trying to work things out, and reconnect and heal “pathways”. She also advised it is a good time to see your therapist after s session to help address the things that came up that make you so emotional. I haven’t found a good CBT therapist yet, so when I talked to my mom about it today she told me to write down things after my session so I don’t forget, and can reflect back on them. I think I’m going to start doing this from now on after my sessions, just to help me process things. Maybe that could help you too? It’s really hard to face but all of us on here obviously are advocating for ourselves and seeking any help we can.
Just remember to embrace what comes up, why it comes up, and that you are not alone in this journey.
I have been feeling at peace just reflecting on what happened and letting it just be.
Anyway, hope it helps!

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Welcome and thumbs UP!!!

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Welcome! I’ve never cried during infusions, but I’ve cried several times on troches. I’ve had happy cries, relief cries, cries of understanding and seeing another persons perspective, and bad cry’s like beating yourself up cries. Normally if I cry it’s a cry that gives me some relief, but I have had a bad cry where I was being hyper critical of myself and the effectiveness afterwards wasn’t great. I had high anxiety and depression afterwards. Don’t give up.

My first 6 were not a picnic and I remember I wanted to stop for a few reasons. My first 3-4 I was not a good place in my mind. It was an overwhelming rush of judging myself negatively. I wasn’t enjoying the “trip”. By the 4 and 5 when I could navigate through it a little better I starting seeing results. Just remember, you have control. If you start going down a negative rabbit whole change the song, open your eyes for a second, just literally say to yourself “think positive, think positive, think positive.” My wife comes with me and I will tap my finger if the song is taking me to a bad place and she changes it for me. It really does help. I like music with violins, piano, any string instrument, some technoish stuff. I try to have slow songs first and then songs that pick up speed. I do think your playlist can determine your experience. I just got on Spotify and started listening to songs I liked and added them. I was originally listening to calming sounds, but that wasn’t for me. Be careful with songs with words. Make sure you can’t interpret them in a bad way. I hope you have a better experience your next time.

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Yes and no I do feel like I’ve opened a can of worms and stuff that I had pushed down inside of me is starting to come to the surface cuz I cry every single treatment and it’s strange cuz there I will have one good day and the next day totally feel like crap not really crying but just wanting to go back to bed and go to sleep not to exist. I can say that my anxiety has improved but my general feeling depressed and sick to my stomach.

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Getting emotions out could be a good sign as psychedelics in general is known for bringing out the things deeply buried inside of us. These things might be hidden for most of the time but they try to come out whenever they get a chance. In ordinary day-to-day experience, when they come out, they usually manifest as negative emotions, stress, anxieties, and etc. In altered state of consciousness, psychedelics could reveal these things in a form that’s closer to their origin, and when encountering these things face to face it could trigger tremendous emotion. The good news is when these things start to show themselves, we’ve got a chance to deal with the root cause directly and may be able to resolve it for good. I think this is why psychedelics are so powerful in helping people fight against PTSD, depression, and etc., but post-session integration could be more important as it helps people deal with the excessive amount of emotions, make sense of the experience, and assimilate the new understanding. If this emotion becomes unbearable I’d suggest you look for a qualified integration service provider or at least find someone you trust that you can talk to. To me, the key is to find the courage to accept these things and make peace with my old self.

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Sometimes I cry and have severe panic attacks and sometimes I’m just happy during the infusions. They give me medication to try to control the panic attacks because then I end up hyperventilating uncontrollably. Those infusions are not fun.

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Has that helped for the panic attacks?

I think all of us have had the experience of crying during one of our infusions or troche sessions. I think it is part of the healing process. I think ketamine opens doors that have been closed in your mind for many years. It took most of us years to feel so horrible! It will take time to get better. You will have setbacks. Know that you are supported here. It’s OK to cry! Big hugs!

I have to confess that I am mystified by the accounts of tears and powerful emotional reactions. When I am at the height of an infusion, I am totally removed from any kind of emotional engagement, effectively an onlooker.

It just goes to show that none of our perspectives are absolute - we all experience things differently. And I guess that concludes my ruinous ruminations for the day.

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Fear is what I find at the base of most of my very emotional responses during infusions. During the initial set and for a few after, I thought I felt all those emotions. As others have written, witnessing is not the same as experiencing. This is an ongoing lesson for me.
Good luck and good wishes!

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Yes

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Me TOO Sojo!!!

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Hi there I’m not sure if I’m posting this right to your reply I’ve been super emotional with my infusions the fourth one scared The Living Daylights out of me didn’t want to go back but I did let you know I feel exactly the same way

I cry a lot the day after every infusion. I just know to expect it and try to remind myself to be gentle with myself and that it’s just a temporary side effect.