For me, depression, anxiety, and ADD have been diagnosed problems for almost 30 years. Traditional anti-depressants never had a sustainable benefit, and many of the different insurances I had on different jobs politely and emphatically refused to cover anything but generic Zoloft, Prozac, or super low dose anti-anxiety drugs. And getting Adderall or methyl phenidate to manage ADD has a delightful stigma here in MD. At the beginning of 2021 after the loss of my mother, I found myself alone and miserable.
I decided the Universe was trying to tell me something. The answer I found was to stop trusting the corporate healthcare system. It is a for profit industry. Bottom lines are acutely more important than patient outcomes, IMHO. So they can f*ck right off, twice. I weaned myself off of all the anti-depressants, and since my then doctor was hard to convince that I indeed needed pharmaceutical help to manage ADD, I quit that easily. Ground Zero… Gostaz with nothing but white knuckles, weed, and alcohol… that wasn’t gonna cut it, so what next?
I figured I had a few alternatives. ECT? Nope. Watched a friend endure the treatments, only to take his own life a few months later. And the last few months of his life, he was not himself. Crushing migraines, hallucinations, and zero help from the clinic that zapped him. Hard Nope to ECT.
TMS? I tried to talk to a few clinics about patient outcomes and all I was told was that it works for everyone. I spoke at length with a director of a clinic that was then local to me, and found the director putting off a serious “used car salesman” vibe. Again, corporate healthcare, Hard Nope.
MDMA? I think it has promise, but I am intimidated by the process, and could not find anything reasonably local. Not a Hard Nope, but a Not Yet.
Ayahuasca? Same issue. Nothing local. Not Yet.
Psilocybin? Still learning. Not Yet.
Ketamine. I spoke to the doctor running a fairly local clinic. We spoke for over a half hour. For free. Success rates of 70%? That sounds good but not utopian. I found the doctor to be personable, and felt a true empathic energy from him as he explained what brought him to open a Ketamine Clinic. I was impressed and hopeful. After my 4th infusion, I still have questions and much to learn, but I do feel a positive difference in my life. I am far from “cured”, but there is magic in progress which breeds hope.
Is my journey over? Have I arrived at a stoping point? I truly cannot say. I can, however, say that I have seen progress, and I have hope. And after 30 years? That is priceless.