Just had first KAP today and feeling quite depressed

I was really hoping to get relief from my depression from the first KAP but I know it can take some time. Anyone got some words of wisdom? I’ve been suffering from depression due to a broken heart (deeper abandonment issues I suspect from childhood) for quite some time and was really hoping to feel much more relief tonight. :sleepy:

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You’re just starting this journey - it’s going to take some time. Please give yourself a chance to process and heal. You may wake up feeling much better tomorrow.

I know that is disappointing to hear if you were hoping for immediate relief. And some people do feel some relief right away. But for many of us it takes some time before we realize that we actually do feel better.

But you are just beginning! There is so much hope for happiness and healing for you. Be kind to yourself. Understand that ketamine is very “honest” - you will likely have to work through the issues that broke your heart during your healing process. I don’t say that to scare you, only to understand that it’s normal. IT IS WORTH IT. Believe in yourself, your therapist, and the fact that you can heal and be happy again. Your heart will be whole again. It just takes time. We are all here for you and beside you on your journey. Have faith. :heart:

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Thank you so much!! Thankfully I had been prepared for the fact that I could go lower before going higher and that it might take multiple treatments. But of course one still has hope for greater relief. I am feeling better right now because I think the ketamine today gave me the strength to share my story with my FB friends. I want to be part of the solution with removing the stigma of mental health. Now is the time, more than ever, for me to be brave and share my story so that I can help others who are also suffering. All I know is that I found that courage AFTER the ketamine today, so that has got to show some progress!

I am ready to walk this path and walk THROUGH the healing, knowing full well that the only way out is through. Thank you so much for the support.:pray:

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Seems like it’s starting to work! :wink: I felt a little better after my 1st. My first session basically just took the edge off. It gave me hope. I was very desperate and suicidal. I think it took until about my 3rd when I actually started noticing the differences in my thought patterns. It’s your first treatment. This is the type of journey that I have found it best to be eased into. Be patient and love yourself. You’ll get there.

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Thank you so much for the support. I’ve just woken up, the first morning after, I’m feeling OK. Had insomnia much of the night so that was tough. Thankfully it was just insomnia from being wired from the ketamine, and wasn’t really accompanied by emotional pain. Here’s hoping it’s uphill from here. Session #2 is in two weeks.

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I know what you mean by the being “wired”. I don’t think I slept at all after my first session, then after my second I probably slept two hours, then my third I was completely “wired” again. My first six treatments were spaced two days apart though, so it wasn’t like I was staying up for a week. I’m no stranger to insomnia anyway but this felt different to me. It took me a bit to realize but I think I was having a hard time sleeping because it was the first time in about 15 years that my body wasn’t in physical pain and for some reason I just had to enjoy it as much as I could. I usually have no pain the whole day of infusion and sometimes for the next day. I think once I realized that, it was easier for me to fall asleep and just let go. It could also just be the ketamine doing it’s magic and that’s how my rational brain accepts it?

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FWIW, you’re not alone. I almost never sleep well after an infusion without some “assistance”, so to speak.

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I just finished a 3 days on — weekend off — 3 days on 2 hours each time, therapist assisted treatment regime. I found it grueling each time. But now, for the last 2 plus days I feel liberated. I have noticed significant reduction in pain, no PTSD SYMPTOMS, no Depression and a newfound hope for the future. Haven’t noticed improvement in cognitive issues yet but I believe it is coming. I spent 1.5 years in vegetative depression, severe pain and overwhelming flashbacks. I had tried everything. This was my last hope or I wouldn’t have gone back after the first one, second or third, etc. So glad I did. I wish you well.

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Thank you so much for sharing. Thankfully I finally slept last night. I took a cannabis edible and that helped and my clinic actually explained that cannabis can complement the ketamine so I did that. Grateful I finally was able to sleep but woke up with all sorts of tears. But mostly because I was brave enough to post my story to FB because I truly believe we have to remove the stigma around mental health. So old friends have been reaching out to me, with love and support, from all eras of my life. So it has been cathartic tears which is helping. My next session is in just under 2 weeks and they will up my dose even more so I’m expecting it to be intense but I’m ready for it. It helps so much to be hearing people’s stories here so thank you so much for sharing. I wish you all the best on your healing journey too. :pray:

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I am so, so glad to hear that you are starting to feel liberated and are finding some relief to your flashbacks. I wish you continued peace and healing. Much love to you. :sparkling_heart:

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I think my first three or four sessions, I cried a ton. It seemed like anything that gave me a feeling set the tears free. It was mostly positive feelings now that I think about it and I always felt cleansed after. I just let it happen. I realized that crying can be good, even when they’re sad tears. I smoke marijuana pretty much every night then do a sound bathe meditation and some relaxing yoga Nidra (I’ve done like 5 classes, definitely not a yogi yet lol)and breathing and I usually dose off within a couple minutes. It used to take me hours to fall asleep. Even with marijuana.

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I’m so glad you’ve discovered Yoga Nidra. It is so powerful! I’ve been on the yoga path for 15 years now and it changed my life. My daily meditation practice helps me immensely. Google on Amazon the book “The Yoga Diaries.” That was my labor of love after my last dark night of the soul, in which Yoga alone healed and transformed me. This dark night is the next layer of the onion. I will keep peeling it back until I’ve found healing again. Many blessings to you. :pray:

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Hi all, I’m happy to report that I am starting to feel better after I got over the emotional hump immediately after the ketamine. I know it was stirring the pot and bringing up painful emotions to heal. I can feel the healthier neuropathways forming in my brain and I’m ready to do session #2, with a higher dose, a week from tomorrow.

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@yoginichica :heart: YAY! Yes, that’s very normal and I agree that it’s a good sign that those neural pathways are reconnecting. I had my second booster yesterday evening and am definitely feeling that sense of being emotionally stirred up. But it’s all part of the healing process. So happy for you that you are already feeling better about your journey.

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Sending you strength to get thru the hump of those emotions. Now I will know to expect that after my next one. But it’s worth it!

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I’ll say that Osmind might be as useful as ketamine. I am dinosaur, as well as a Luddite. I have very little online presence. I truly enjoy this contact.

Reasons for starting ketamine? l sometimes wonder if my treatments are just a medically sanctioned buzz. Usually, that means I am due for my next treatment. After an injection series, once I return from Venus and get my feet back on Earth, I can see/feel that there is a benefit to my space vacation (including the barf bag to go along with the turbulence.) I don’t ‘enjoy’ my treatments. I kind of dread them. When they take my blood pressure before my treatment it is usually high. But the next day, and for +/- 3 months after, I can see the bigger picture, I can step back from my despair when the computer beats me in a game of checkers. I can feel and observe the benefits of the treatment. I believe that they work. All other things being equal, that says it all: I believe it works. It helps me.

Trust the process. I can’t cite it, but the data is there to support it. I can say that it has worked for me. When Prozac was new, my closest friend started taking it. To listen to him, it was like a religious experience. I feel the same way ( I think) about my ketamine experience.

The only way out is through…If you find yourself going through Hell, Keep Going…or as the Southern Baptist Preachers I grew up around might say, If you are in a rut, Stop Digging.

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Isn’t it amazing how you can actually sense the new pathways being formed?! I’ve found the hard part at first was continuing to use the new pathways and not let my brain go back to the “damaged” ones. I could actually feel myself sliding and had to tell myself that we don’t use that route anymore. Not sure if that’s helpful or even makes sense? I had an amazing session yesterday (my last session of 12 I did two 6 session treatments in two months, the first clinic saved my life, but the next clinic went above and beyond).About 3-4 hours after I got home, I just felt this overwhelming sense of sadness. I went and sat alone outside and probably cried for about an hour. Like really hard crying. Then all of the sudden it clicked in my head why I was crying. Only two months ago, I was on the verge of giving up and I wouldnt ever be able to share my light with the world. I would have destroyed my family. I felt so guilty and disgusted to even think I came that close. I let it all out. I have hope for my future now and just want to share that hope with people going through this. 🫀:star2::zap:

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Your vulnerability is a beautiful thing and such a clear sign that you are healing. I’m so glad you had a good cry.

Right now I am at the vet with my 18-year-old cat, my only constant companion for all of those years, who is in late stage kidney disease. I was up much of the night with him crying as I know I am losing him soon. And if I hadn’t had the ketamine last week, I’m not sure how I’d even be standing up right now. It’s almost as if he has been hanging on until I am more healed and can handle his loss. But to have to be facing this NOW, on top of deep depression and heartbreak…it’s just too much, Universe! :sob:

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They know what they’re doing I think. I lost my my sweet baby girl Lola (14 year old staffy) a few weeks before my first session. I could feel her energy and love guiding me on my first session. She protected me. I believe she’s what led me to my light. She showed me there was still a fire in me. Or it’s just wishful thinking… I still think it was her. I’m sorry for your struggle. It’s never easy when our fur babies start to decline. His energy and love will be a constant in your life.

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I 100% believe it was her. Buster has been my spirit guide thru so many of my journeys. I swear this cat is a shaman. I’ve never known another cat like this one. :sparkling_heart::broken_heart:

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