Ketamine and care giving

Hello there I’m new here, I just finished my first set of infusions and have had a booster so far. I’m just finding real hard to hold on to any positivity. I live at home at the moment, my mom suffers from Parkinson’s and it’s been getting progressively worse, I’m doing amazingly better figuratively from how I was since starting treatment (most of the suicidal ideation has subsided and the constant cold soul piercing hole in my chest that I thought I was cursed with ever since I can remember has shrunk substantially) but I just can’t seem to hold on to hope when I can see her go through so much pain and lose hope her self, I feel guilty to feeling okay whenever I see her.

The start of treatment can be emotionally bumpy. Until my provider and I figured out how often I needed ketamine, I felt like I developed bipolar for the first time. It was really wierd feeling good and then terrible and then good again and then terrible. It took about 6 months to figure out the most stabilizing approach, which meant infusions every 3 to 4 weeks for me and lozenges 3 times a day. Now there is little to no anxiety and depression. For the first time in almost 30 years
It may take some time before the anxious thoughts are under control. My situation is similarly stressful in terms of caregiving as my daughter is an autistic teen and navigating the systems in place to help her is just mind boggling. I do feel better able to handle it now tho. But it took awhile to adjust mentally given the trial and error with ketamine.

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KetKat I am not familiar with the affects of the Lozenge. When you use them, how do they affect you?

I had an Infusion yesterday. #4 of six. I don’t know if I chose the wrong frequency music or what. I won’t be using the same on Thursday. I landed pretty hard yesterday & the overwhelming sadness hit me after & it has not really improved. I’m sure tomorrow’s will turn it around. I just feel like happy/ sad from minute to minute. It’s like my brain is having an internal tug-o-war. How do the lozenges help?

Thank you for the encouragement KetKat, I relate with the bipolar thought I’m used to the down turns but it’s still very new and strange having a moments of actual serenity.

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