I am so glad to have discovered this forum after having recently experienced Ketamine treatment. Would love to share my experience and get some input. I’ve had some incredible experiences with Ketamine but never had the feeling that it cured my depression (as I’ve heard others say). I’m curious to what extent my experience is different than others or similar… Were my expectations too high? Do I just happen to be of the small percent that aren’t really helped through ketamine therapy? Or do I just need to embrace the positive experiences I’ve had and accept them as just part of my healing journey?
As I mentioned I’ve had some incredible, profound, cosmic experiences with K. I started with a series of 5 infusions. My infusions were remarkable journeys through other realms of reality, through space, time and consciousness. For the most part, I absolutely loved the experiences. After almost every infusion I felt some degree of “afterglow” for at least a day or at times a few days where I felt somewhat more positive. Like I said I never had an experience that I would describe as my depression being “cured.”
My depression is primarily a very chronic, persistent, mild depression and continuous cycling of anxiety and negative worried thoughts. I would also say to some extent l live with PTSD after some traumatic childhood events.
I’m not sure I ever felt like the haze cleared and I never really experienced the feeling of being “normal” that I’ve glimpsed on a couple of occasions in my life.
I then got prescribed a nasal spray. On a few occasions I’ve taken several sprays, put on a mask and some headphones and had experiences similar to my infusions but in the comfort of my own home and without having to cut it short after an hour or so.
Again amazing experiences during which I’ve had moments of feeling wonderful about my life and myself.
But the feeling always eventually fades and I find myself back to normal, my normal habits, negative spiraling thoughts, insecurities, lack of self confidence, feelings of victimhood, etc…
I did take a small dose from my spray this last weekend followed by an hour long meditation that felt like maybe the best K therapy I’ve experienced so far and am going to try continuing this approach.
Overall just curious about any reflections on my experiences with K and my outcomes. Again were my expectations too high that I was going to go through a few infusions and just magically come out feeling happier? Or is this really happening to people? I’ve written a lot about my experiences and would definitely say I’ve had some valuable insights but again nothing that has profoundly shifted my sense of my self. I’ve also taken a decent amount of psychedelic drugs in my life so not all the insights from my sessions were 100% new. I’ve wondered if I approached Ketamine in the wrong way…did something wrong somehow…should I have done guided sessions with a therapist? Am I just too attached to my negativity fear victimhood etc and afraid to let it all go (as much as I’ve tried to work through it all in therapy)? Or were my expectations reasonable based on what others have experienced? Should I try more infusions for any reason? (Though I have to say it’s hard to justify the cost when I can have such profound and positive experiences using just the nasal spray at home)
Thanks in advance for any input and once again very glad to have discovered this community!