Processing Trauma

Processing years and years of trauma can be so overwhelming at times. I am working to hold on to the encouragement and improvements from the Ketamine. With that said, I feel exhausted and wish I could process all of this much faster!

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@Deb you are such a strong person - it’s okay not to be superwoman every day. It’s frustrating when so much of your life’s energy has already been given to coping with that trauma every day - and now you’re asked to give still more.

But you can and will get through this to a lighter brighter future. I believe in you! And your puppies will help. :heart:

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Thank you so much for your encouraging words. You are correct, it seems like my energy is spent trying to stay in the moment, fight the flashbacks and assure myself I am safe while continuing to function, even be the lead on most days. Trying to sit with the feelings, observe them and process while holding on to those positive moments of connecting with my Dad during the height of the Ketamine. I appreciate the permission you mention not to be on top of things everyday. My pups know it is a tough day as the sit on my lap with the heads resting on my chest.

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Everyone’s struggle is unique to them but I think everyone here has a certain amount of kinship in this struggle toward healing. I know that personally I feel so exhaustingly resentful/frustrated/sad/angry that I have to work so hard just to achieve what I am capable of doing - even a fraction of it - because I have to do it with the extra weight of managing my damaged emotional state. It’s hard for me to avoid comparison-itis with my colleagues (I am self-employed as an expert in my field) - I have to keep reminding myself that this is my path to walk and no one else’s.

Sorry - didn’t mean to make this about me. Really I just wanted to say I understand. I wish I could help you with this burden you are learning to lessen. I’m proud of you for doing this and I believe in my heart of hearts that you will emerge like a phoenix from the ashes of the past to spread your wings and fly like you were always meant to fly. :heart:

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I truly appreciate your understanding and belief in me. It is nice to know you are not alone in some of these struggles. I have very kind and loyal friends however, it is hard for some of them to understand my collapse on the weekend. Collapsing is not my choice however, by the weekend I have no more push and honestly have to gear up for going back to work on Monday. I am sincerely grateful for your belief in me! Your words are so encouraging. Thank you❤️

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@Deb Hey, just thinking of you - hope you were able to get some much needed R&R this weekend. Have a great week. :blush:

Thank you so much, Shepherdess! I was able to get a couple of nice periods of downtime. Appreciate you thinking of me. You have a good week as well!

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This is from a heartbreak song, but applicable to a lot of life:

An axle spins this world around
It’s rolling over rocky ground
There’s no shock-absorbers on that wheel
For us to ease the way it feels
She really caught me off my guard
Sometimes those bumps can hit you hard
There’s no shock-absorbers on that wheel
Well, at least this way we know it’s real

She is history; let her go
We are all in this together
We are all in this alone
She is history; let her go
We are all in this together
We are all in this alone`

(Just Like Jim Brown by Pierce Pettis)
Although I first heard it from Don Conoscenti

Stay strong!

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Thank you for posting, Salty! Some very distinct analogies to some very real feelings. Being…hit hard seems to be my MO lately. With that said, I feel like I am processing feelings that have been too intensely painful in the past to even approach. I believe a sign the Ketamine is working even though an incredibly difficult process.
Thank you for all the encouragement. Working hard to stay strong!

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Life in general, sometimes seems to be a mix of this song and Woody Gutherie’s union version of the old gospel tune:

You got to go and join the Union (You got to walk that lonesome valley)
You got to go there by yourself
Nobody else can do it for you
You got to go there by yourself

We are all in this together
We are all in this alone

I like the imagery, that we aren’t alone, but nobody else can do the work for us.

Perhaps a little of Monty Python’s “Life of Brian”…Yes! We are all individuals!

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AMEN! So true, great imagery!