I had my last infusion 4 days ago and still feel drugged I don’t care what they say, I still feel drugged and I’m having flashbacks now that I don’t really care to think about. My brain knows how to block things out for a reason. I’m not currently appreciating the things from my traumatic past that this drug is feeling forth. I have complex ptsd and complex means very complex. I want things back their proper boxes locked away, please. No time for this. I have to work!!!
This drug is making me have memories of things I didn’t really want to remember - is that progress? Maybe some things are better left alone(?) My psychiatrist is skeptical on talk therapy as he’s not sure we need to remember all this stuff our brains locked away…my jury is still out
I’m not qualified to say whether it’s a good thing or not - but that does seem very typical for how ketamine works.
@Lovebeach This is exactly what I am going through right now only with remembering I am also feeling. I have cut myself off from feeling anything for many, many years. Being able to experience/feel the trauma is how you get through to more peaceful feelings of joy is what I have learned. Denying the pain, abandonment, grief, loneliness…holding it all inside is literally destroying my physical body. Experiencing and feeling the trauma is incredibly difficult, scary and honestly feels very isolating. With that said, it is progress. As my therapist reminds me, I have lived half my life experiencing severe trauma, it is going to take time to break through the hijack my brain has experienced with the trauma. My therapist encourages me to try and sit with the feelings, observe them and eventually with the help of the Ketamine be able to experience those memories with feeling that are not terrifying.