Question for you experienced inner navigators…

I have a booster scheduled for next week, but this one is going to be a little different because I have something very specific to accomplish. During an EMDR session with my therapist, I found myself subjected to a juxtaposition of what I was visualizing and myself, ie I found myself looking at myself as a child. I need to address this image in my next infusion, but I’m concerned that in this instance music might actually prove to be a distraction, so I was thinking about just using foam earplugs.

This is clearly an opportunity for healing, but frankly it’s scary as Hell for me. Music might also be a comfort. What say you?

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Isn’t there a therapist in with you during your infusion?

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No, @WendyB. I’m in the room alone with my experience. FWIW, music helps to shape the experience for me.

But you point out something that I’ve observed before - it’s kind of a wild west show out there in that all of these clinics appear to be approaching treatment in a different way…and with startlingly different price tags it seems.

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@Sojourner,

I’ve experienced something similar. I’ve also done EMDR before and parts work as well. I’m using the ketamine experience partly to explore and connect with parts of myself that may have experienced trauma and are sort of “stuck”. I’ve found the best way to go into the experience is open-minded about what I want to connect with rather than too specific. When I was trying to connect with the child part of myself that experience trauma, I set my intention as just staying “open” to what my younger self has to say.

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Take a deep breath or two, and go with it.

My experience has been (limited) that no matter what I think I am taking in with me, after the first 10 minutes or so, it doesn’t really matter.

I haven’t tried silence, ear plugs.

I have tried to be thoughtful about choices, I think I mentioned my last time, the ketamine kicked in faster than I anticipated and I ended up with a group that was/is cathartic. Not soothing by any stretch, but cathartic. And it worked. I wouldn’t recommend them (Heilung) without listening to them straight, first. But, they worked.

I prefer something ambient. I started out listening Brian Eno, Music for Airports. That was my go to when I was gobbling street blotters. Great stuff. You can knock out a 5 year old in about 15 minutes with the stuff. One of the 5 year olds in question is now out of the army, and I am trying to convince him to look into ketamine, as opposed to a rope somewhere on Donner Pass. He is OK, but I haven’t convinced him.

I go in with a mind set of “OK, I’ll be OK, and whatever happens, I’ll be OK.” I have puked. I have needed help getting to the bathroom. I have gotten home and slept for 18 hours. However it goes down, I know that I’ll be OK, better, on the other side. No matter how rough the ride was, or how bumpy the re-entry was, I wake up early the next day with a “OK LIfe, show me what you got. I Am Ready.” And that lasts for 2 - 3 months.

As one of my Chef Instructors in culinary school commented once, “A fair fight is any one you walk away from.” I ain’t dead on the ground. Nobody called the ambulance.

“How are you?”…“I’ve been better, I’ve been a whole lot worse.”

Live to fight another day. (Star Trek, Klingons, I love 'em), “It is a good day to die. But the day is not over.”

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@Sojourner, you are very brave! It takes a lot of courage to identify your parts and, as an adult, help them get what they need and never received. That’s very hard work. I did one ketamine infusion without music. Not my choice, my music stopped. At the moment the music stopped, my worst nightmare came to life. It was something I never would have signed up for. One of the hardest things I’ve ever experienced. However, it did end up being healing for my little girl part. (Due to the work afterwards, but work I would never been about to do if I hadn’t had that experience). I saw my little girl throughout the infusion. I was too scared myself to reach out and protect her. There was havoc in therapy afterwards. But good havoc. If I ever choose to go with out music again, I hope I’ll have the guts to be an adult and protect and listen to my parts. The main thing to realize is you are safe and you are the adult now. You can find out what your little girl needs and protect her. I don’t think you need to do ketamine without music to be able to do that. Care for yourself first and foremost. :heart::pray:t2:

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I think definitely concentrate on what you want to work on with that childhood trauma and use some type of calming ketamine infusion music. I think that will keep you in a safer space! I’ve had to deal with a lot of scary stuff! I think the music or meditations really help to guide us along and help us to feel. Without it the experience is more bland. I’ve had my YouTube quite halfway through. It was not as enjoyable without music! I have definitely worked on childhood trauma and I needed the music to get there and be OK! I hope that helps buddy!

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A) Big props to you for wanting to tackle this head on! I like the intention of wanting to revisit this image during your next infusion. AND be somewhat flexible.
B) It’s a touchy subject. You have already said you have some concerns and fears around it. I might go for low volume, low frequency meditation music. I’ve been most successful using YouTube. Silence may be overwhelming with so much fear (and what sounds like anxiety already) in the mix.
C) I encourage you to have a discussion with your infusion provider. If you are not comfortable going into detail, at least advise them that you intend on tackling a potentially difficult topic. Maybe request someone be in the room so you may signal distress, if needed. Response time will be much quicker vs video monitoring.
D) I’ve had a bad trip before - and even that was one of the more revealing sessions. It also taught me that when I come across something scary, and start to feel fear or panic, I remind myself I can move (and twitch my lips or something teeny), or if I can remember: you are in “keta world” (Mantra: I WILL know when I’m ‘awake’) and try to be curious (like a child).
E) Just my humble opinion. Take it for what you will. Regardless, I wish you a successful journey!

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@Sojourner - Maybe you could use your music as more of a background effect as opposed to a directional one. Something non-specific, without words and major changes.
Focusing on your younger self too much may create an experience rather than just allowing it to happen. Complete silence doesn’t guarantee better focusing on your intention.
When I’ve heard or seen something that I want to focus on, relaxing and letting it come is my biggest challenge. I’m so concerned about getting “the most” out of the experience that I lose more trying to focus instead of realizing each trip is part of a much larger journey.
Best wishes!

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I listen to nature sounds. I’ve found that listening to waterfalls and the ocean is very peaceful. I also have a small stuffed octopus that helps bring myself back down if I start going to a place that’s too awful.

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