It isn’t my intent to piss anyone off. The rest of the world is all too happy to do that for me.
To start, I am a Grinch/Scrooge. I absolutely despise Xmess. A large part of that is Seasonal Affective Disorder. On top of that, it baffles me that we, as a culture, will go far enough into debt to buy gifts that we will still be paying for this time next year, to celebrate the birth of a man who owned nothing but the clothes on his back.
Going into (OK, almost done) this season, I am getting some clarity that comes with ketamine. I am realizing that all the hallucinogens in the world are not going to fix my marriage. I am depressed as hell. Ketamine helps. But, part of that is that I am realizing that I can only fix me. If my spouse won’t address any of our issues, I can’t keep taking ketamine to try to fix it. I may as well continue to drink myself to death, for as much as that will help. Ketamine helps me, but I will continue to start at the bottom of the hole every time as long as WE aren’t working on anything. I can’t do the work that will help her, nor us. I can only work on me. I can work WITH anyone, but I can only work ON me.