Second Infusion was kind of scary

First infusion was amazing, peaceful journey full of love and understanding. Last night I had my second infusion and I got scared.

I had anxiety from the moment it kicked in and remember thinking a far off thought of “when is this going to be over”.

I’m kind of scared to go back. Anybody have a similar experience?

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This happened to me as well. It just felt kind of… off. In one point during the infusion, it was like I felt the entire world glitch and get stuck in emptiness, and I thought it was going to stay that way forever. I called for help in my mind and asked if anyone was there, but they of course weren’t. I was scared yet at the same time not. Ketamine experiences are hard to explain!

I’m pretty sure it was the music I was playing. It was chill, but perhaps too “intense” when compared to meditation music. It was electronic/instrumental, but maybe too emotional rather than relaxing. It’s surprising that music I would usually consider chill/relaxing has little undertones to it in the background that are intense/unsettling during an infusion that I wouldn’t notice otherwise. So now I just play binaural beats, and haven’t had the problem since.

I don’t think it’s unusual to have a scary infusion regardless of music choice, though.

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This is what I use to do until I got use to it. I’ve had 13 infusions so far and I’m still here to tell about it (yes, I meant that as a double meaning :slightly_smiling_face:) You have to learn to tell yourself that “this isn’t real-it just feels like it is”. Repeat as necessary and I would wiggle my fingers as if to tap the chair to remind me that I’m just sitting back in a chair having an amazing experience that you can’t get anywhere else. After that sit back and look around in the realm that you’re in and try to see all of it. Embrace the peacefulness that it can give you because you are the only one there. Enjoy the texture and color that your mind gives you. You can make it a pleasant experience if you want it to be. Good luck

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This explains my experience better than I did. Thanks for sharing.

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Thank you! I won’t give up then.

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Yes! I hated it at first. Even since the beginning I will still have a bad troche experience. My blood pressure would go up and the machine would start beeping and freaking me out thinking I was going to die. I think my 3rd or 4th time the nurse came in and grabbed my arm gently and said,”You are ok. Everything is fine.” That really helped me. The other thing I realized was music can mess with you. A few times I listened to songs with words and that can mess with you if you interpret the song or words in a negative way. Great tip is to get noise cancelling air pods. With those you can just say “hey Siri next” and it goes to the next song. If you are in trouble change the song. I’ve felt like I was dying before. I’ve felt like I was a molecule or atom of consciousness. I’ve felt like I was flying through space. Flying over trees or mountains. Flying upside down. I’ve felt like I was in a cave. I’ve gotten woken up before at its peak and I’ve felt like I was in between dimensions. I’ve had some crazy ones, but I always make it back. What it feels like now is that I’m floating through my subconscious. The best thing to do is trust that where it’s taking you is where you need to go. You have to surrender and let go. Get some Luedovico Einadi, Ratatat, East Forest, and Cris Dirksen (the cusp). When you go Under don’t try to think about anything. I recommend doing it first thing in the morning when you don’t have a bunch on your mind. Maybe do a guided meditation on the headspace app. Don’t mess with your phone, work, social media, and try to keep your mind clear. When I have a lot to of worry or stress immediately before it normally doesn’t go well. If you do have a stressful situation take some deep breathes or meditation to get you back to a calmer place. Easier said than done.

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“I always make it back.”

Words of wisdom.

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My second one was today and it was pretty dark compared to the first. Scary feelings would pass. It just was dark. I don’t think it was as effective. I don’t know.

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@Alyjeffer Supposedly it works on your brain whether we enjoy the experience or not. I certainly had some freak-out moments when I thought maybe what I thought was my life and reality was actually “all in my head” and that there was no reality and I would be forever disconnected and trapped in this “new reality”. Very Matrix-kind of stuff - red pill, blue pill! But to paraprhase @fpeot1 … you do come back. It really helps to have some sort of phrase or mantra to focus on - like “I am safe” or “I am healing” or even just a word like “love”.

We can all attest that infusions aren’t always pleasant. But it just seems to be part of the process. A lot of emotions get churned up and it can make you feel pretty raw at times. Hopefully it is a good thing - your brain working through the healing process.

Hang in there. You can do this - you can heal and feel better.

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