Starting treatment… nerves

Hi everyone, I’m Bex. 44, significant depression, anxiety, CPTSD with much trauma, and I’m autistic. I’m a therapist and a musician and have been following this treatment and am excited but also very nervous to try it.

My first infusion will be Sunday. I’m doing what I can to prepare but I’m not even sure what I should do to prepare. I love music and the suggestions to have a mantra or affirmations to think on while receiving the ketamine.

I hate being out of control so I hope I don’t fight it too much. One of my band members suggested that I spend time at my piano after treatment with a recording device to capture any music that I might create. I’d appreciate any encouragement and suggestions of things to do/not do.

I’ve loved reading the threads and I’ve shared some things with my spouse who is also hoping this provides relief for me from the depression and crippling fear that I experience. I mask really well but I’m trying to be more open about my experiences.

Thanks for reading and replying if you choose to :smile:

Bex

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@Bex sounds like you already have a great outlook for treatment. You’re going to do great. It’s natural to be a bit nervous but you already know what to do - great music, positive mindset, and go with the flow. I think composing as a method of integration sounds amazing!

We are all here for you. :heart:

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It sounds like you’re on the right path. You’ve already done one of the hardest parts by taking the steps to getting this treatment in spite of nothing else working for far too long. At least that was the case for me. Go in with a kind and loving mind. It’s normal to be nervous/anxious. I still get nervous and I just had my 8th treatment yesterday. I would love to hear what you create after treatment! I am on the spectrum as well and I have found that ketamine not only helps with my SI, depression and ptsd, it has helped me communicate my thoughts better and read people better if that makes any sense? I have been thinking that there could be a lot of benefits for those of us on the spectrum. I’m curious to see if you feel some of them as well. Good luck my friend! You have this! You’re heart will show you the way, you just have to let it. We are here to help you on this journey.

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In addition to the excellent thoughts and suggestions from @Shepherdess and @Janderson79, I have a couple of observations that I’ve gained over 12 infusions or so:

If you’ve never had any kind of psychedelic experience, a ketamine infusion is going to be unlike anything you’ve ever experienced. The dissociative state leaves me with no awareness of having a body at all, unless something draws my attention to it like a BP monitor. Combined with the psychedelic aspects of the infusion, some pretty profound experiences can take place, but the accounts I’ve read here of those almost never bear any resemblance at all to my own experiences. I suspect that your own life experiences provide the raw material for your visions, so it only makes sense that your own experiences would be unique, but you’ll probably find them difficult if not impossible to describe to anyone else. That’s okay-they’re yours alone, to provide a pathway to healing for you, but it’s up to you to walk it so embrace the experience for what it has to teach you.

Suggestions-

Wear a total blackout mask such as a Mindfold that allows you to keep your eyes open. The experience becomes much more real than if projected only on the inner screen of the mind.

Using some good sealed headphones to provide carefully chosen music can guide the experience in a constructive way. Most of the time I prefer to avoid anything with lyrics. My last with Constance Demby’s Novus Magnificat was amazing (and with a subtitle of “Through the Stargate” can it get any better?)

Ask your dosage for each infusion and record it. The first time they usually start at .5 or .6 mg/kg of body weight, then increase it from there. Don’t be afraid to ask them to increase it if you feel that you didn’t quite get there.

If you begin to feel overwhelmed, repeating a mantra to yourself in your thoughts can help a lot. I have used, “I am Love.” as in the context of divine love radiation with good success. Sometimes it really helps.

A weighted blanket makes you feel more secure. That’s probably a good thing for the first time.

An infusion builds to full effect somewhat slowly. In my case, it probably took 10-15 minutes to build to full effect. If your clinic offers a bolus, take it. It will get you there far more quickly, effectively extending your infusion.

Again, echoing @Shepherdess and @Janderson79, embrace and choose to move into the experience. It provides a means for your own subconscious to show you those things you need to see, accept, and learn from, although it may be difficult to figure it out. I’m still trying on some things after 12 infusions.

Good luck. We’re here for you.

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