This Quote is So Me

"There exists, I grant you, a clinical depression, upon which certain remedies occasionally have effect; but there exists another kind, a melancholy underlying our very outbursts of gaiety and accompanying us everywhere, without leaving us alone for a single moment. And there is nothing that can rid us of this lethal omnipresence: the self forever confronting itself.“
— Emil M. Cioran
Anathemas and Admirations (1987)

This is my life. My depression is not severe, but it is just always there.

I love Cioran, but he is not for the faint of heart. He is known as “The philosopher of failure”. But to me, there is a sense of gallows humor that runs through his work.

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The quote is so true. It’s why I’m ready to quit. I had 2 infusions in 2 days and aside from an extremely brief reprieve yesterday just feel all the worse. It won’t go away, will it. I think I’m just stuck with it. I know that’s probably the wrong thought pattern but personal evidence isn’t showing me hope yet. This isn’t my first k attempt as I’ve posted elsewhere. The drs are out of ideas. Except mushrooms will be coming next (whatever they are called) - why would that be any different (I’ve already been pushed by a k dr to try it)

@Lovebeach, I did infusion # 14 yesterday and I actually feel really good right now. I have up and downs but control vs uncontrolled is a no-brainer. It’s work to find positive thoughts and stay focused on what is important. I have to practice it daily. For me ket has been a life saver. I encourage you to find what’s important to you and focus and set goals along with the ketamine infusions. It’s not a cure, but it works for me. Good luck And stay safe.

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