Up and down after 1st and 2nd infusions

Want to see if anyone else here has had similar experience…

So, my first infusion went great! I was nervous going into it as I didn’t know what to expect – it ended up being exceedingly pleasant. Most calm/peaceful I have felt in literally as long as I can remember.

I woke up the next morning feeling refreshed and ready to tackle my day. I was stoked that this whole (very expensive) thing felt like it was going to work!

I had my 2nd infusion yesterday, and today I am NOT feeling great.

My insomnia (one of the reasons I’m doing this) was awful last night… My depression and anxiety feel like they are taking over like before… And all of the tools I felt I gained during treatment #1 have backslid to me feeling like this has done nothing but get me high.

Anyway – I’m not here to complain, I want to know if any of you have had this experience and similar after effects…

All throughout my 2nd infusion, I found myself kind of unable to “let go” and just kept having obsessive/intrusive thoughts about the treatment itself. The providers/what they were doing, thinking about the needle in my arm, not being able to get in a comfortable position, etc.

The first time around, I didn’t notice my body or think about the clinic itself AT ALL, but yesterday it was just a swirl of all of that and the next thing I knew, it was over.

What I’m wondering is if maybe the ‘day after’ feelings being in line with the treatment experiences ring true with any of y’all… And if so, what did you do to steer yourself back to a more helpful/introspective place?

Cheers,
Stacy

My first treatment I could not relax and let go. I felt slightly manic afterwards and had a hard time falling asleep. I felt like I was in a loop of trying to relax and kept opening my eyes to ‘reset’. It felt like I was there for 5 min and it was over.
My second treatment I exercised and really focused on good relaxing thought before I went in and it was amazing. Like you it was the most relaxing experience I have ever had. I noticed suttle changes in my thought pattern but nothing like an aha moment, which I dont really expect. I had a lot of suicidal ideation thoughts, more than what I’ve ever had. But in talking with my therapist I realize it’s because I’m feeling again. And though I’m having them my thought pattern is already becoming different and I can redirect myself better.
I just did my third treatment and was rushed on my way in. I again couldnt relax and let go. It seemed very quick again. However today I actually feel for the first time in a long time. I have felt joy, laughed, cried some happy tears and feel true hope for this process. Still some ideation but again able to redirect where I couldnt before.

Mindset going in has a lot to do with it. Deep breaths and good thoughts going in!!

The good news is, no matter your experience in the chair your brain gets all the protein benefits and neuroregenesis benefits of it and it does take time. Hang in there!! It will be worth it :hugs:

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And keep those eyes closed lol

I have a very thick, soft eye cover. It helps keep me in the experience as I tend to open my eyes, especially when I feel any fear. With the eye cover even when I open my eyes it is pitch dark and keeps me in the process.

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I have one that I keep bringing with me but then I’m too scared of not being able to move my arms to move it if something goes wrong, haha. I don’t know why I can’t just let go like I did for the first appt. Going to go into today with positive intentions and I’ll TRY the eye mask :slight_smile:

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@stacyohstacy I just had my second infusion yesterday (the first was Monday). I felt great on Monday and on Tuesday. Today I feel awful - I’m just absolutely miserable. My provider had told both myself and my boyfriend that this is pretty common, I guess, and that things usually perk back up and to try and hang in there. My infusion yesterday seemed to zoom right by, and was over before I knew it, despite my being awake and alert. I read on your thread that some people have eye masks they use - just curious as to why? My provider seems to feel that the “experience” is important for the brain in its rewiring process so I try my best to keep my eyes open, I’m also afraid of falling asleep and embarrassing myself by drooling everywhere.

I had that same fear of not being able to move my arms. My therapist recommended the eye cover (I originally said I didn’t want it). I wanted to be able to open my eyes and orient myself if things got to scary. My therapist talked about letting go and going where the Ketamine takes me. She sits with me and reassures me during the experience. I also found out if you have any sensitivity to light, Ketamine can exacerbated that sensitivity. My eyes are extremely sensitive. In the end, the eye cover has really helped. I think you will find having a specific intention also will help.

Hi Debby, I was told the eye masks helps you stay in the experience of the Ketamine.