What are your k infusions like?

I’m curious what other people experience during these infusions and also whether your providers ask or care. I just had infusion 2 at 1.5 g (I think that’s what dr said) and I was drugged for sure but had no thoughts or visuals or anything of interest I can remember. I remember the nurse coming in occassisonaly to check vitals. I was sort of “dissociated” I guess. I’m not sure what that even means. I basically don’t remember much except sitting there feeling drugged. I’m pretty sure I never lost the ability to know what was going on around me. Does it matter? Is the k doing its work regardless of whether we think or see anything? I know this is kind of a lot of questions together. Any feedback appreciated My “intention”
Was just for healing (though I’m not sure intentions matter in this context but who knows)

I can’t speak for anyone but myself, but when I reach a state of dissociation I have no awareness of having a body at all…just a point of awareness observing what’s projected onto that inner screen. I can force myself back by choosing to move my finger against the chair or something, but otherwise I’m in kind of a free state. On the screen of the mind I have shapes, constantly moving like fractals, one scene smoothly flowing into the next, but rarely anything recognizable. As I said in another post recently, during my last infusion I had the experience of being pulled backwards for an indeterminate distance, then being rotated 90 degrees to the left, whereupon I was viewing an enormous field of stars. A moment later, I was propelled into that star field as if I’d been shot out of a cannon. Heavy stuff, but what does it all mean? God knows, because I sure don’t. I had set the intention that my own higher self was to choose what I experience, so that’s what was chosen for me.

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Thanks for sharing - interesting that you have such vivid “experiences” while I sit feeling drugged. I guess people are just different.

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FWIW, if you are not having any kind of inner experience like that I suspect that your dosage is significantly too low. Personally, I would ask for a substantial boost.

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Sadly this isn’t my first k rodeo. I posted earlier that I had 10-12 sessions a year ago. They put me up to high levels where I was totally asleep as far as I could tell and never in all those infusions were there inner experiences. Only the very first time when I went and had NO idea what ketamine was (my fault for not researching where I was being referred) and then thought I saw Satan behind the door - but once I figured out it was a psychedelic drug it was always just kind of a drugged lull….maybe I just don’t react to the drug. ( Which would be typical as nothing works ) I can’t get my conscious mind to “let go”- I have to know what’s going on in the room, are my vitals ok, etc. this isn’t a conscious thing I’m doing ; I think I can’t give up control of my mind

Ever try using something like a Mindfold mask? It allows you to see nothing but total blackness with your eyes open, so nothing in the room could intrude. But you may not be able to stand having it on if your desire for control is that strong. Might be worth a try, though.

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No I never tried a mask. I’ve thought of buying one but I can’t imagine actually using it. I’d be too concerned that I didn’t know what was happening around me …plus I hold a religious object during infusions to ground me and I look at that object when necessary

I am reminded of my (much) younger recreational psychedelic experience. I had tried blotters once, so of course, I was ‘experienced’. My friends decided that since it hadn’t totally fried my synapses, they would try it. So, we all dropped, and then walked to a theater to watch “Fantasia”. On the way there they kept asking me “Is this doing anything?” (Are we there yet?) I kept telling them “Yes, you just can’t notice it yet.” “Well, if I can’t notice, then what is the point?” Then the movie started. As they say, the rest is history.

Since they are doing the build-up series (if I am reading you right), the low dose is going to be less extreme (I’m not trying to be Capt. Obvious, but maybe I am…). What is dissociation like? I dunno. Ask 17 1/2 people to describe sunshine.

For me, there are some physical sensations, for lack of better words, everything starts to feel (tactile, not mental) ‘crispy’. The fabric of my clothing, the chair, pretty much anything I touch. Then, added to that comes the mental. If I have my eyes open, I definitely can’t focus, and everything is bright (dilated pupils from the drug, to quote from ‘Hair’: Eyes like big, black, basketballs) with limited dimensional perception. If my eyes are closed, then the dissociation kicks in. I am not aware of ‘Me’. There is something observing, experiencing, but there is no Me or I. Visuals? Sometimes it is kind of like watching the texture of the road or the striped lines on the freeway, sometimes it is like an animated paisley. I can’t say that there has ever been anything that I could call coherent.

I typically have baoding balls that aren’t necessary for anything in particular. I suppose that they function as chewing gum for my mind. I eventually loose track of them. Again, for me, I don’t think it is as much a case of ‘letting go’ as much as it is ‘getting into the zone’. I am aware that they are checking my vitals, etc., but I’m not paying much attention. That is what I am paying them for, so to speak. If I feel the need to touch base with reality, I open my eyes. Not that I can focus on much of it, but I can check to make sure it is still there.

This is becoming my best and favorite description of it: It is like letting a wave roll over you at the beach, as opposed to being run over by a truck. I don’t have much control over either, other than the way I look at it. And I have learned that if I try to fight it or control it, all I am doing is setting myself up for the truck.

Hell, for that matter, most days I’m not sure how much grasp or control of my reality I have. Like Bruce Lee said, Be the water. I’m not going with the flow, I am the flow.

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lol @ 17 1/2 ways to describe sunshine. I don’t know where you got that from but for some reason it makes perfect sense right now / thanks for all the input

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Just pulled it out of my…work addled, sleep deprived, Friday evening frontal cortex.

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Could be worse…

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Could be Monday…(Monty Python, Life of Brian)

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Yes count our blessings / gratitude

(Also Life of Brian), Always Look on the Bright Side of Life

Bright side of life…sunshine… sunshine theme! Very :blush: way to hopefully go to sleep - 2 infusions in a row have me amped up and I can’t sleep no matter what! I’ll have to defer to seroquel to sleep which I despise but these infusions won’t let me sleep…sorry I just totally changed topics

Or just ride the Feel Goods and crash out for a Sleeping Beauty nap tomorrow.