What other things are you doing to keep depression and anxiety at bay?

I have been doing infusions and troches for about 1 1/2 years. It helped immensely at the beginning. I still do get relief when I do it, but it seems to be more short lived. We’ve had a lot of loss this year including my son’s mom 3 days ago. She wasn’t in his life much, so it kind of stings more that he will never be able to have a better relationship with him. It’s like she left him all over again. I am really struggling because I am feeling my son’s pain myself. I feel like I’m in a rut and a lot of Ruminating thoughts. A constant fear running in my subconscious that something bad is going to happen and if I don’t keep on worrying then I will be blindsided by whatever unforeseen event could happen. Is anyone’s anxiety this irrational. I feel like my motor (brain) is constantly running. Sometimes even in my sleep. I know I need to make some changes like meditating more often, exercise, diet, etc but I feel paralyzed with anxiety and depression. I have my own business so I’m able to make my own schedule, but honestly it’s been difficult getting out of bed. Even though I can still work from bed, I know it’s not healthy. Is anyone feeling this way? Has anyone felt this way and made changes to be happier? I feel paralyzed to do anything. I have constant stomach and chest pains and overall tense body all around. How can you push through? I’m finding it very difficult.

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Oddly enough, one of the ways I try to make myself feel useful is to bake sourdough bread - no commercial yeast here. This is a pair of loaves of sourdough rye that turned out very well indeed.

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Oh no fpeot1 my heart go out to you and your son! I can say I know exactly how you feel but on some levels. Experiencing my children’s pain, thinking if I don’t worry about everything I will be blind sided. I’ve struggled with that for most of my life. I would like to say I tried everything to feel better, I ran marathons, changed my diet, and due to making a bad decision I realized I had a problem with prescription drugs and alcohol. I’ve been clean and sober now for 1.5 years now and as much as that helped I still wanted to kill myself to quit my crippling depression and anxiety. I just completed my 6 loading doses of ketamine and that has been the only thing to give me any level of relief. You have been being treated for Ayers and a half now. Maybe the death of your sons mom is such a big hit you need to receive some maintenance infusions. Maybe the torches aren’t enough. Have you spoke to you dr? I don’t think the torches provide the same amount of relief. I never had one I am only speaking from what I’ve read. Definitely talk to your provider. It’s important that you stay mentally strong. It sounds like your done needs you to be present. Focus on him and try to stay in the moment. If you are like me despite all your efforts your exorcising. Meditation, diet is not enough. Get the help you need my friend!

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Looks delicious!

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@fpeot1 I’m so sorry to hear about what you and your son are suffering. Our son’s bio-mom has been out of the picture by her own actions for over 20 years and yet the pain she has caused our son will never completely go away. It’s awful.

Anxiety/depression tends to affect me similarly. The ruminations! You know they’re not logical, and you combat the illogic…but your brain just refuses to shut down! And when you’re self employed (my husband and I both have our own businesses where we are the solo employee)…you may set your own schedule but sometimes it’s worse because 1) you aren’t forced to keep a routine, 2) you can’t ask a co-worker to help out, 3) you never actually leave work…if you’re not careful you are working 7 days a week, every week. What I’ve learned about emotional brain trauma/PTSD is that it causes your brain to be literally stuck in hypervigilant mode - all those things you’re describing.

I think it helps to do “the little things” - like @Sojourner baking bread. Be kind to yourself. You’re doing the best you can. Definitely try to find some quiet space and contemplate the blessings you have in your life. It at least gives something positive to fixate upon for a short time. I find that helpful - to run through the list of the many things that are good in my life and how blessed I truly am.

What finally stopped it for me? Ketamine treatment. Truly, it’s the first real relief. Given that you’ve been in treatment for 1.5 years I wonder the same thing as @Kevin - maybe you need a “reset”. Several people on here have had times when they’ve had a major setback and they’ve done a mini-course of closely scheduled infusions (or I think in some cases did the whole 6 again). And that was able to break the cycle again and reboot things.

Obviously you should discuss with your doctor since you’re undergoing treatment already. But I think if I was in your shoes I’d be looking at a re-start of my regiment to break the negative brain activity and reheal from the new wounds.

Regardless - I am so sorry for what you are enduring and hope you find the solution soon. My grandmother would say, “this, too, shall pass” meaning that no matter how awful the current situation is…time will indeed pass and the jagged edges will round off a bit. Remember we’re all here pulling for you - keep us informed with how it goes.

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I have maintenance infusions every 4-8 weeks. I’ve done 6 more infusions looking for a reset. I keep on trying different things, but the only thing that gives me any relief are Ketamine and klonopin as needed. I just wish I could stop my brain of thinking about the past and future because I’m missing out on the present.

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I can relate. I have to be blunt, klonopin and several other benzo’s kicked my ass and it turned out to cause me more harm than good. Maybe not the case with you. I’m not a doctor and just speaking from first hand experience. It can actually ended up causing me more anxiety and depression. I cannot lie, it was a mf to get off of but glad I did. I need tapering slowly. It took a couple months and then a couple more for the mental side of thing to even out but they did! Just something to consider.

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Kevin, you’re absolutely right that diazepines need to be used with caution. I think most people here have heard the story of Stevie Nicks’ Klonopin addiction. If not, google it and you’ll get the whole story. She became quite an anti-diazepine zealot in the aftermath of that whole thing. They do have their applications, but I would have to say that you probably don’t want to use them on a daily basis. From what I’ve heard, it’s a nasty addiction to kick. Stevie Nicks felt that it was much worse than kicking her cocaine addiction.

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I heard that story and it is a bitch to kick. At least from my experience

I only take klonopin as needed. Not daily. It’s the only think that helps with panic attacks. Ketamine helps but It’s not something I would take in the midst of a panic attack. I know how addictive benzodiazepines can be that’s why I really only take them in emergencies.

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When I practice REALLY good self-care and boundaries? I do pretty ok. Now the downside. I had to leave where I was living. Too many people not doing anything and too much energy.
So I live by myself. But, there is ART everywhere. Music too. Colors. I have found ways to be social. I have a fantastic CMT that I visit regularly. I started being kind of a drunk Netflix mushroom at the beginning of Covid, then I had surgery, so part of self-care is physical activity. Being outside now is easier because it ain’t melt your balls hot anymore.
Motorcycles are HUGE in my life.
I also recently retired. It was time.

In the end? My old reality was toxic, so I am in a redesign phase. I find talking to people about their struggles with mood, spirituality and life in general are allowing me to give the finger to some old paradigms. (I grew up southern, y’all, and we were taught some heavy bullshit)

In the end? Mindfulness, kindness, positive curiousity are cool things. Fuck the news, and for the most part, fuck social media.

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Attaboy, Gostaz!

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I know that feeling, fpeoz1. For me, it’s like the early stages of afib or a heart attack. Nasty feeling, and a diazepine can put an end to it right quick. Of course, then you’re running in slow motion for a while, but the price isn’t too high to pay.

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